I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
