A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
