This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
