i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
