So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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