Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
