I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
