Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
