That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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