I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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