There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
