i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
