Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
