I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
