I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize