the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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