Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
