I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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