You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
