I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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