You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize