I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize