it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
