I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
