I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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