You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I will pee on everything he values.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
