my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
