I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
