I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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