Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my liver is dry heaving
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize