Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
