More tranny stories later!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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