how can u be prego again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
