I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
