I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
