Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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