Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
