im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
