shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
