it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this must be what syphilis tastes like
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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