You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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