she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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