was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
