I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
