names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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