Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
