i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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