I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
