I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
