I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
