I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
