A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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