How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
