I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
