Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
