Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
