Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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