She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
