Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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