Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I enjoy the company of your penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize