just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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