proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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