i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
