the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
