I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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