The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
