Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Randomize
