we have officially lost it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
