i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
