It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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