You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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